The King, The Dragon, and The Fool
by Geldidastulto
Summary: In the center of the Kingdom of Eatsalot there was a city called 'The Very Worst Place To Be' (Tevweptobe for short,) and in the very center of Tevweptobe there is a palace called Over-Stuffed, which might be the reason Tevweptobe got it's name, it being a terrible feeling to be overstuffed. Short story on the values of life, and what's really going on in the world.


The King, the Dragon, and the Fool

In the center of the Kingdom of Eatsalot there was a city called 'The Very Worst Place To Be' (Tevweptobe for short,) and in the very center of Tevweptobe there is a palace called Over-Stuffed, (which might be the reason Tevweptobe got it's name, it being a terrible feeling to be overstuffed,) and in the very center of the palace was the throne room, and in the very center of the throne room is a throne. On this day of days, (the day that is the beginning of this stupendous account,) the King of Eatsalot, who's name was King Anonymous, began his story by sitting on his throne in the very center of his kingdom, which is to say; in the very center of everything. Despite his most enviable position, the King was very bored. He was always bored, but on that day, (it being the day of days) he was especially bored.

"Oh, what am I going to do with myself?" He moaned to the dragon who sat by his feet. The dragon was setting the King's cloak on fire and then snuffing it out in a poor effort to cure his own boredom. But the King was so concentrated on his lack of interest in anything (almost to the point of interest) that he hardly (that's to say he didn't) notice.

Quite suddenly he heard stomping and huffing and all sorts of frustrated noises coming from outside the closed doors of the throne room, and after a horrendous crash from the large wooden doors as they were thrown open, in walked in a curious little man with a bebelled hat and the motley clothing of a jester, along with a very very red nose. He looked furious, his face was pinched in a comical scowl and his gloved fists were clenched so tight that you'd expect his knuckles were white.

"That Dragon!" Here he pointed at the rather large green lizard that was playing with fire nonchalantly at the King's feet.

"That wretched WRETCHED Dragon has gone and done it again My Lord, and this time, you must DO something! It is the final straw! He is laying the kingdom to waste!"

"Oh, what are you complaining about now, Fool? I'm having the most terribly boring day and you're making it worse with a headache!" Said the King without even moving an inch or blinking an eye. His voice was whiny and drawled, and it sounded exceedingly bored.

"Well," said the Fool in a tone of impatience,

"Your wretched pet Dragon went and ate up half of your subjects if you can believe it, and then he went and stole the Queen's tarts that she had baked for the grand feast which we were to have in honour of my birthday which is tomorrow, there won't be any tarts for my birthday! And then he blamed it on the knave, who got a terrible beating by the way; and then he ate the knave. And anyway the REAL problem is that all that eating has caused him a terrible case of bad breath, and since the horrid creature won't brush his teeth or swallow a breath mint or anything that's good for him, it's wafting over all over the countryside and causing the plague with his foulness; and the other half of the populace, the ones that weren't eaten, are dying of terrible diseases, and there's chaos and murder throughout the kingdom because of it!" The King looked at the Fool without the slightest bit of interest in his eyes.

"Did you really say all that without taking a single breath? I think that's a feat of honor if you did, I've never heard anyone complain so much without exploding. I suppose I shall have to knight you for it. Say, did you prepare that speech before you came in here to pester the daylights out of me? Because I can hardly remember more than one word of what you've said." The Dragon looked up from his game of fire with sudden interest.

"Which word do you remember, my Lord?" He asked.

"The one about the knave, it seemed rather silly to me that you ate the knave when I only have one and he's standing in front of me."

"My cousin, my Lord, he ate my cousin. The poor unwary man was visiting me, for we haven't seen each other in years, and it's my birthday tomorrow, and your Dragon ate him before I even had the chance to say hello or thank him for coming!"

"Oh did he? Well, you have my condolences."

"Yes thank you, my Lord, we weren't actually that close. Anyway, the point is that your Dragon is smelling up the entire kingdom with his foulness!"

"Is that all?" Said the King.

"No, the worst part is that the smell is wafting in through my window, into my very bedroom, and it's nearly killed me! I can't live with it anymore, and I demand you do something!"

"Hmm, ate something that didn't agree with you, did you? Something more than you could handle?" Asked the King to the Dragon.

"Well... the Damsel in Distress was a bit tough, but I think what really did me in was Prince Charming. They were delicious, though." Replied the Dragon in a conversational tone.

"I was hope he has indigestion pains!" Cried the Fool, unwilling as he was to address the Dragon as something far beneath him. The Dragon stuck out his tongue at the Fool, and the Fool turned green and stepped back, plugging his nose from the smell.

"Did he eat the Queen?" Asked the King rather hopefully, he tried unsuccessfully to disguise his eagerness behind a cough.

"No, but he ate the Butcher and his wife, the baker and his three sons, the woodsman, his wife, and son, and for sweets, besides the tarts he stole from the Queen," Here the Fool crept a bit closer, and in an almost staged whisper said;

"And for sweets, he ate the cobbler. Which is what I think did him in. I do not think he would dare to eat the Queen, my Lord, as we all know she is the love of your very life, and he most certainly would not be able to enjoy the many, most unnecessary privileges that he enjoys at this moment." And here he gave the King an expressive look. The King's face fell, and he looked at the Dragon with a rather hopefull glance.

"Would you eat the Queen? Not that I want you to I mean, I was just wondering." The Dragon tilted his head, thinking about it, and then with a malicious smile, he turned on the Fool and breathed.

"My Lord, you really must do something about the smell!" Said the Fool through his plugged nose.

"What are you proposing, Fool?"

"I am proposing that we brush the Dragon's teeth! And maybe through in some mouthwash." He muttered the last part. The Dragon frowned visibly and shook his head at the King. The King imagined a rather hilarious picture of the Fool sticking his hand down the Dragon's throat with an oversized toothbrush. His face brightened.

"Sounds like something that would cure a boring day!" He said.

"Good idea, Fool! Go brush the Dragon's teeth!" The Dragon envisioned himself eating the Fool as he tried to brush the rotten smell away from the long, sharp, carnivorous teeth that resided in the Dragon's mouth.

"Yes do." He growled as he licked his lips.

"Me?" Said the Fool.

"But-but he doesn't like me!"

"On the Contrary, I like you quite a bit." Said the Dragon.

"You see? The Dragon likes you, go and brush the Dragon's teeth!"

"But he's quite large!" Exclaimed the Fool as he shook so hard that the bells on his hat jingled.

"And?" Drawled the King who was beginning to get a bit annoyed.

"And? WHAT DO YOU MEAN AND?! AND he has a terrible appetite, AND I look surprisingly like a toothpick from afar!" The Dragon took out a toothpick and began to pick his teeth, the Fool paled, and the King waved his hand.

"Begone! I am done with you! You didn't provide any interest at all!"

"The moral?" Said the Dragon as the Fool swept out of the room and the King got up to find interest elsewhere, the Dragon smiled and licked his lips.

"The moral is: Never fight a Dragon, for you are crunchy and very, **_very_** good with ketchup."

The End


End file.
